Dancing Through Cancer; She is Illuminated

I find that my mind speaks often in ways that even I cannot understand. Feelings of inadequacy take over and I cannot breathe. Fear and judgement of my own emotions begin to choke me, And I have to fight them even harder. Stuff them down. Make them quiet. But they persist. Stifling me. Suffocating. They tell me I am worthless. They tell me I am undeserving. They tell me I am a fraud. But I will fight. I will not be silenced. They will not win. For I will prevail, at all cost. My truth speaks louder than they do. My passion further ignites my strength. The depths of my being are engulfed in love, power, and hope. Despite the voices that try to take me out. Battling the darkness I seek the light. I strive for beauty and inner workings of things only felt by the heart. I will not be so easily fooled. My truth speaks loudest. My truth speaks pure.

There was a time in my life where all that mattered was appearance. I never missed a day in the gym, spent hours on tanning, curling, applying. Everything to be perfect. All external. My worth, my self-esteem, and even my income was based on how I looked. Nothing else mattered. I spent my time in fancy bars and restaurants with fancy people eating stupid tiny dishes. I was living part time in Vegas and partying on rooftops with celebrities and all the most glamorous people. Feeling desired and fabulous. But, deep down. Dark. Hungry. Unfulfilled. Depressed. Hardened. Worthless. Thankfully, these things have changed drastically. Due to a change of profession, a desire to get back in school and a large amount of emotional growth, my priorities have shifted. All stemming from a difficult time where I realized that the life I was living was pointless, and detrimental. So I made the decision to change everything. Through a lot of uncomfortable times and struggling to find myself, make...