For us, they write books.

Why are we so often our own worst critics? It can be scary how I can be so cruel to myself and yet, I would never imagine speaking to a friend or even a stranger in that way. There are times where my own criticism is so harsh that it is shocking. It makes me wonder who else is walking around with an internal dialogue like my own. If we are all in this place of self-loathing no wonder we are so tough on each other, we are even worse to ourselves!

Luckily, it is few and far between with the negative self-talk, although it still creeps up. There was a time when it was all I heard. That inner voice was constantly beating me down, and I know I am not alone. With teenagers committing suicide at such young ages, eating disorder epidemics, all the overly obsessed workaholics and the drug addicts, I know that there are people suffering with an internal disease of self-loathing and fear.

In a world that is so outwardly driven by appearance and THINGS, the pressure can be overwhelming. Thinking they just aren’t good enough can drive a person crazy. Of course I know only my own experience, but as an overly sensitive girl growing up in a strict military family, there was pressure. And fear. Fueled by those things I made all my life choices.  As you might imagine, making choices based on fear is not the most productive. So I learned. A lot.

Not everyone has a happy go lucky coming of age, and even those that do still feel some darkness. There is something within us as humans that can just be dark. So I indulged in my darkness knowingly and at times unknowingly, until I finally reached a point I decided to that it was getting me nowhere. It is kind of difficult to see the sun when you’re always stuck in the rainclouds.

So how do we shut that voice down and refuse to let it influence us? It doesn't yield us much benefit. And yet we can be so burdened by it. In my experience it takes training, or rather, retraining. Why do you think there are so many self-help books out there, which I can admit I may have read a few, or (self-disclaimer) maybe a hundred.

The world is a very mixed bag. Some people are bubbly and lovely and all things nice, and some are a little rougher around the edges. For us, they write books. And affirmations. And for us, we use meditation, and light candles, and practice yoga, and run, or do whatever else helps you find your "Zen". I have found these totally cliché things to work for me. And that’s on a good day. I am just not the naturally bubbly girl with the happy thoughts, but I wish to be. And strive to be. I want to bring joy. There’s more than enough misery in this world. And life is too short to be anything but happy.

 

 It takes whatever works for you but it doesn’t happen on its own. Reading, looking within, trying to help others and adding positivity to the world in a way that speaks to you. It can be quite the process in a time where it’s more about what you are wearing than how you love or the way you treat people. I spend much of my time challenging thoughts. I think to myself, “this lady has horrible hair” or “he’s so annoying,” and I try to stop, and think of the quote by Mother Theresa “If you judge people you have no time to love them.” I find this to be a hard thing to put into daily practice.  Even our media and entertainment pokes fun to get a laugh. I have higher hopes for us. I do enjoy the trashy gossip columns too from time to time, but what really gets me is the deeper moments, the times we don’t talk about as easily. What really matters. It's all a work in progress, if we're working on it. Imagine if everyone did?