Experience life to the rawest.

Much of my life I spend in an out of body experience. Like every day is a high from a drug I forgot I took. My friends say sometimes it's as if I'm living on a cloud. I think they are right. I don't feel completely part of this earth, this whole experience. I wonder if I was born at the wrong time, or in the wrong place. I question every little part of this existence. I battle the norm and try to find my own. What's considered the ideal human experience seems so futile to me. At the same time I try to find my own way. Maybe i just like to be complicated for no good reason. Maybe that's just me.

I think I could easily be one of those people who leaves all traditional society to go live off in some hippie commune. But even that would be too obvious. I'd like all the preconceptions of life to disappear, all the "should's". I should go to college, should get married, should have 2.5 kids. Honestly, half of the people doing that seem unsatisfied with it themselves. So why should I follow that routine?  Not that there's anything wrong with that, but only if it makes you happy.

Happiness is often pushed to the back when you are on the whirlwind of existence that is the "American dream" of work and responsibilities. We all want nice things, but in the exchange for our happiness? If we lowered our bar of "want" and "need" we could actually spend more time "being." Being in the moment, in our breath, in our peace, happiness, stillness. Being in the moment with our families, friends, four legged companions. Enjoyment has become more of what the situation entails then the company we keep and conversation and laughter. The simplest times are often the best, and this doesn't have to include a fancy hotel or expensive dinner. Sometimes some wood and a match is all you need to make an experience. That is what we need more than money, power, or stuff- experience.

 All these things we are supposed to do make me feel drained and completely unmotivated. I crave freedom, wildness, unexpected experiences. The norm is boring. Standing around a stuffy room full of people that are all wondering what each other thinks about them, and then secretly gossiping when they're gone. No thank you. I want to be around the wild ones, the dreamers, and the freaks. People who can be true to themselves and not conform to the things of this world. Freedom to be oneself and rawness are more valuable than any bank account I could encounter. People who aren't afraid to live. To cry, scream, dance, dream. That is what's truly beautiful. As it has been said, this is NOT a dress rehearsal. What are we just existing for. We only have today to truly feel. Experience life to the rawest.