Dancing Through Cancer; She is Illuminated

A friend of mine has a saying, "Who cares!?" And I have kind of adopted it from her and have found a huge freedom from such a short, simple saying. She used to say it often and for good reason. As I would come to her in an overly emotional fashion for advice because the things that went on inside my head sometimes could be, slightly melodramatic.I would sometimes find myself in a tornado of self-fears, doubts, and made up scenarios I believed to be true. And I would come to her crying about every little thing. I would be stuck in an hour obsession about what to wear that day, change ten times and finally pick something, only after I hated myself enough. Reanalyze and beat myself up about saying something the "wrong way" or thinking that I sounded stupid. For thinking everyone is staring at me when really it was just this made up and irrational paranoia that I believe to be true. Thinking about every move I made and of course thinking it was always the wrong one...

We are all on this journey and it is easy to question every thought, experience, and decision. Almost morbidly we consider and reconsider every act of our lives. It is so easy to wonder, what's the point? Are we ever going to graduate? Get some award for life? The truth is we just exist in this vast universe and we're all trying to figure it out. We're trying to enjoy the ride. We’re taking the good with the bad and trying to live the best life we can, since none of us really knows what comes next, if anything. Those who believe in spirituality believe this journey is the start of another better, more enjoyable one. What if this is truly it? And we're spending all our energy fighting. From the very beginning we are competing. From the sperm and the egg, school yard games, spelling contests, sports, prom queen, college exams, first in our class, fighting for the job, to get married and have kids. The day to day competition for success is all consuming! The thi...